Could Your Disappointment With Homeschooling Come From Having Public School Expectations?

Whenever I see parents ready to give up on homeschooling, I ask if they are trying to conduct their day like a typical school day or with the same type and amount of assignments given in a typical classroom. Trying to make your homeschool look and feel like traditional school is unnecessary and often leads to stress and frustration.

Homeschool looks different than typical schools. Adjust your expectations.

Parents should consider making a fresh start and imagining homeschool in their OWN way. Even amongst my homeschool friends, our days do NOT look identical to one another. How you conduct your day with your child at home is personal. We all have children with different ages and personalities. When we do what is best for those children, our days won’t look exactly like that of our friend with different children. Some parents like to have more structure. Other parents like more freedom in their schedule to learn spontaneously through experiences like field trips and projects.

Homeschool days look vastly different from school room days. If it’s your first year to homeschool, expect to make some changes and adjustments. It is COMPLETELY NORMAL to adjust as you find out times of the day that work best for you and certain environments that work best for your child. I can’t tell you how many friends went from doing school work at a desk before changing it to a table, couch, floor, or even outdoors! You don’t have to have it all figured out in the beginning. Just start by spending the time with your child and you will learn so much through experience.

What about testing?

For example, you probably won’t even find a great need to test all the time like schools do. (After all, you won’t have 25 students, and you will soon understand your child’s performance and understanding without always needing a test to show you.) You won’t need to test as much because you just have an entirely different set-up than a school teacher does–with fewer students.

Restroom breaks?

Another example is restroom breaks. Are you going to schedule bathroom breaks at home? Probably not. Will you make your child raise their hand to ask to go? Most likely not. Again, it’s your homeschool and you can do what you want. That’s your parental right.  I’m just making the point that the logistics are not the same. Teachers in school run things a certain way because they are managing more children.
If you are forcing everything about your homeschool to look just like typical school, it will likely burn you out and frustrate your child. 

Be flexible about changes you need to make.

Expect homeschool days to look different from season to season and from year to year. You will have busy times at work, a new baby perhaps, home responsibilities, and other unexpected events. Be flexible and keep your eye on the primary goal, which is to KEEP YOUR CHILD LEARNING. It can be helpful to have a list of the big goals you have for your child for the year or semester. That way, you can judge your progress. I sometimes have days in a row where the homeschool lesson to-do list did NOT get completed. HOWEVER, I know with certainty (primarily from conversations and interactions) that my child DID learn during that time.

Give yourself time to adjust:

It may take a few weeks to get into a routine you like or to find your own way of doing things. Children sometimes exit the school system with baggage (academic or emotional) and need some down time before jumping into something new. Parents, likewise, need time to acquaint themselves with their child’s academic strengths and weaknesses.

It is ok to pick a way to start that is SIMPLE. You can always add to or take away as needed. I was a school teacher before I was a homeschool mom. My first year of teaching a group of students all subjects was challenging for me because I had never had to plan so many things (I had taught math to multiple classes for two years prior to that). I relied on ready-to-go lesson plans from the book until I adjusted to my students. The lessons weren’t perfect, but they gave me a starting point. As I became more familiar with what my students needed to know and their styles of learning, I could add in more of my own ideas and improve upon what I already had. The same will be true for you. You can always improve. Just start. You can customize down the road.

But what if you’re “not a teacher?”

Many homeschool parents are a bit nervous with a mindset of, “I’m NOT a teacher.” Well, maybe you haven’t had an official teacher certification, but please: You HAVE taught your child important life skills already. You can teach them more still. It will take time to adjust. That is normal for any teacher out there–whether it’s a certified teacher or a homeschool mother with an unrelated degree (or no degree at all). Don’t assume that certified teachers have it all together, and don’t think of yourself as less. Just get to know your child’s needs and share what YOU KNOW that your child DOESN’T know AND be willing to learn alongside your child.

Start with 1 subject:

It is completely ok to start slowly with one subject like reading with your child. Sit and read books. Read aloud to your child, or if your child is older have your child sometimes do reading on their own. Often children are given required reading lists at school, but the topics don’t interest the child. It can take the fun out of reading. Take a library trip and carve out purposeful time to read while you figure out what curriculum or schedule you’d like to try. If you’re reading some nonfiction books filled with facts, those count as science or social studies. Your child will be building comprehension and vocabulary within those areas of study–especially if you’re talking about it or reading it together. 

You can also have your child journal while you’re keeping things simple. Just sitting down and writing (or even drawing if the child is too young to write) will give you an idea on areas you’d like to work on: handwriting, spelling, focus, and other general writing skills. 

As your child adjusts, you may choose to add in some other subjects (maybe a new one each week). Depending on the curriculum you use, several subjects may be taught together in something called a unit study. This gradual process can help both parent and child to adjust to new and different expectations. I would recommend starting with a subject that interests the child. Some parents have to “win over” their child to the idea of homeschooling. Likewise, some children need to “win over” their parents to the idea of homeschooling. Starting simple can help. 

Make priorities

If you and your child have a rocky relationship from years of stress in public schools, your priority in homeschooling might first be to build a better relationship. We only have so much time with our children. How can one argue that the relationship is not the most important? Of course it is! If you don’t have a mutual respect for each other, you certainly need to work on that. How will your child do any assignment or practice if there is no respect?

You might have pulled your child from school because of a particular academic weakness, such as math or reading. Consider making that academic weakness top priority with the most support. Spend more time finding a quality curriculum with a proven track record of success. Put more of the money you have budgeted toward that subject area. Back up 1-2 grade levels when ordering the curriculum so that you can help fill any gaps. Consider yourself blessed to have that freedom to customize. Many classroom teachers need to back up to an easier level with students that come to them deficient in skills. However, due to micromanagement and testing, they are often unable to do that to the fullest degree that is needed. YOU CAN! That is the freedom and choice you have in homeschooling.

Make goals and look at them often.

I would feel like a complete failure as a homeschool mom if I did not make year-end goals. There are busy days where we just don’t get everything completed that I intended. That happens more often than not! However, I have goals for my children each year. I familiarize myself with what is generally expected at the end of the school year. I don’t really measure my children by state standards, but I have read them in the past just to get a general idea. Some of them I agree with, and some I don’t. Other times, I scan through the curriculum I have purchased and make a list of the “big ideas” I’d like my child to master before the end of the year or semester.

Here are some examples:

For my second grader the goals might be: writing neatly within the lines of the paper, writing in complete sentences, reading a beginning chapter book independently, and adding and subtracting 2 digit numbers. Do I expect my child to learn more than that? Of course, but those are a few important goals that will have other skills built upon them. I can revisit those goals to be sure we are making progress before the next grade level. 

For an older child, the main goal might be to learn all the multiplication and division facts without hesitation. That might be your main goal for the year if the child is already successful with reading and writing! 

For an upper grade child, your goal might be to help them learn to write an essay or just be able to work independently with their textbook more often. When you make goals that are most important to you, you are able to ask yourself on those tough days, “How far have we come on that goal lately?” It certainly makes me feel more successful! Instead of, “We didn’t get math or reading finished today, and skipped science altogether!”

Expect change. Be flexible.

As you homeschool, expect your philosophy of education to change a bit. Ultimately, you’re raising your child to one day live as an adult and be able to provide a living for their family. Keep that in perspective. Your child might not master every single academic skill set before them. Some academic skills are more important than others. Prioritize those. Just flip through any textbook and pick out the information that has or hasn’t helped you in the real world. It will be a mix of both. You took your child out of public school for a reason (or maybe more than one reason). So, please don’t stress you or your child out trying to function as a public school when you are in an entirely different environment. Stress and frustration are not conducive to learning.

Your child is your responsibility. You will have the best interest in making sure your child succeeds. You also get to determine what is success and what does it look like. As you follow more homeschool blogs, read more homeschool books, and speak with more homeschool parents, you will gain perspective and grow. Expect change and be flexible.

You are your child’s most influential teacher.