Getting to Know Your Child’s Teacher
Why should you get to know your child’s teacher? Can you say with honesty that you HAVE gotten to know your child’s teacher? Did it take an entire year? Did your child stay with the teacher for hours each weekday while you still did not know the teacher? What assumptions did you make when your child went off to school? Did you assume the teacher was a “good teacher?” Did you assume your child “was safe?” Did you assume the teacher “knew what she was doing?”
These questions can have more certain answers without assumptions in a. smaller community. Smaller communities and smaller schools are easier places to get to know people. You might have known someone for years before your child ends up in their classroom. If you have more than one child, you might get experience with a particular teacher more than once.
Some friends of mine pay for their children to attend a local private school affiliated with a church. In their case, they already know many of the teachers on a personal level even worshipping with them weekly. This is certainly a different scenario than sending your child to a local school where you haven’t met anyone.
Why do we as a society send our children on a bus with someone we don’t know off to school for 8 hours with a bunch of other people we don’t know? I know most people do it, but if you step back and think about it, it doesn’t make sense. Do you remember how careful you were when your child was younger and you picked who you trusted to babysit your child?
Is it because things went well for us in school? Is it because we know these individuals have certifications and we trust them? Life does require a certain level of trust. Just think about when you go to the doctor or have surgery. You cannot do that yourself and must trust someone else to do it. It can still leave some uncertainty, which is why people get “second opinions.”
Do we send our children off because the school has a “good rating?” Does the good rating give us any extra control over which teacher our child will have or what other students will be in class alongside our child? Or, perhaps some of us send our children to school because we are in a financial bind and feel like we have no other choice.
Whatever the reason, if your child is attending school—-any school—you should do your best to get to know that teacher. My personal opinion is that I was not ok sending my child to an unfamiliar school with someone I do not know. I chose to homeschool when I realized my level of control over my child’s education was extremely low if I sent him to school where I was not there. (More on that at the end of this post) I can’t change your mind if you are determined to send your child to school. However, I can share some advice with you if that is your situation.
Put your best foot forward.
Start your first contact with the teacher on a good note. Ask if there is anything you can do to make the school year easier or more successful. Many teachers do not have helpers these days. Try not to make demands the very first time you meet the teacher.
Find a reason to be in the school building when you can.
Your job hours may constrict you. Your child’s school might even be more shut off to having visitors. However, you should do what you can to come to the school to help. Even if you’re not helping out in your child’s classroom, just being in the building you will get to know the other adults there including your child’s teacher. Ask anyone who has served as a substitute teacher. You learn so much of what goes on by being in the building.
Be respectful of time and appointments.
Ask for a meeting time with the teacher when you have an issue. You can lay a foundation for a better relationship if you ask the teacher directly at the beginning of the year if she has a preferred way of contacting her. Will she prefer an email? If so, how much time does it take for her to answer the email? Would she prefer a text or phone call instead? Different teachers have different preferences. Once you have a way of contacting the teacher, do not wait until something is wrong to contact her. Find other opportunities to contact her by volunteering time, money, or resources to help the class or asking good questions. It lets the teacher know you are an involved parent and you are continuing to stay involved.
Don’t forget your child has more than one teacher.
Your young child might be in a class most of the day with the same teacher. Don’t forget there are art, music, PE, computer, and counseling teachers. Your child will come in contact with multiple adults during the day that you likely do not know. How can you remedy that situation? Leave a comment below about what you have done or have a plan to do. Did it work? Let’s have a conversation about it. If your child switches class, as in middle and high school, you KNOW there will be more than one teacher. Your child’s thoughts and ideas about the world will be influenced by those adults. Do what you can to get to know them.
When you have a relationship built with your child’s teacher, you are likely to get answers to your questions faster and have better communication all around. Teachers are people. If you have mutual respect, the situation will be better all around for your child. This is basic human nature. If you have a hands-off approach to your child’s school, expect plenty of confusion and frustration around school activities and grades. If you’ve been a parent any amount of time, then you know your child does not always tell you everything about what has happened or what has been said and there is often miscommunication.
Now, I will honestly tell you that not every teacher is of the same quality. If your child has been in school for a while, you likely know that to be a fact. There may come a time for you to put your foot down and be more firm in dealing with a teacher. I don’t mean making threats. I do mean getting a principal involved, even if you need to copy the principal in on an email or meet with the principal to discuss concerns you have if you’ve already spoken with the teacher. Too many teachers get away with far too much (the way they speak to students, lack of grading in a timely manner, lack of communication, etc).
I continue to be involved by tutoring local public school students. I hear the concerns of the parents. One common theme I see is the parents feel like they have no power. Don’t let that be you. This is your child. These are your tax dollars. If you don’t like how things are done and you cannot change them, you can send your child to a private school or homeschool them. NO MATTER WHAT CHOICE YOU MAKE, THERE WILL BE A PRICE TO PAY. The price may be paid with your time, your money, or your child’s education. Before you rule out any of those options, I encourage you to do your research by speaking with people who have chosen those paths. You can find people to talk to in your local area by asking around at churches, libraries, and even online social media groups. You can make plans to visit private schools in person (but the same “getting to know your child’s teacher” rules still apply there) or visit homeschool co-ops/tutorials (weekly meet-up groups).
If you’re interested in knowing more about homeschooling, you can check out my free Homeschool Survival Guide.
Remember, of all the adults in your child’s life, YOU are your child’s most influential teacher. You can make the difference for your child. Be encouraged. This is YOUR child. That simple fact does not change from one school year to the next.