Quality Time with Your Child: Does Your Schedule Allow It?
I talk often about having a busy lifestyle. I’m sure if you ask ANY parent, they would say that they are busy—and there is no way around that.
This post is to encourage you to evaluate what is making you busy and is it considered true quality time with your child?
You may have an extenuating circumstance, like being a caregiver for a loved one with special needs.
You might be single parenting with not many family members living nearby.
You may fall into the trap of over scheduling or the inability to say “no” to some activities.
What is it that makes you so busy?
Now, the answer to THAT question is PERSONAL to you. Only you can answer it.
But before you do, write some things out:
—Times you are at work.
—Times your children are at school.
—Times you are driving in the car en route to an after school activity.
—Times you are eating together as a family.
—After school times M-F (Where are you? Where are your children?)
—Weekend schedule
Let’s take a look at a sample weekly schedule. As you look, adjust how your schedule is different.
For example, your child’s extra curricular activity might be longer than one hour. It might be only one time a week.
Transition time is time that your family is likely on-the-go heading to or from work/school.
Bedtime is at 9pm in this example schedule, but recognize many families are going to need to put their child in bed as early as 8 or 8:30.
I gave an hour for family supper time. I realize it does not take an hour to eat supper. However, reflect on the time you eat together. Is everyone together or are some people absent? Does it happen through a drive thru most nights or only one night a week? There is research for family supper time improving MANY aspects of a child’s life. I urge you to do more of it than what you may currently do.
As you look at your own schedule, find the quality time you have with your child to play, work, and have conversations. Maybe you are someone who grabs those opportunities during transition time. **But, careful, if your child is NOT physically with you, it’s not quality time together. If your child is watching a dvd in the car or listening to music on headphones, your child is essentially not with you spending quality time.
Let’s consider the sample schedule below:
Let’s do some math!
This child is with teachers at school:
8 hrs a day
That’s 50% of the time of the child’s waking hours!
This child is with a coach or other adult during extra curricular:
1 hour a day
That’s about 6% of the child’s waking hours.
* If the extracurricular involves a game that lasts longer than an hour, this percentage will go up as time with the parents goes down.
This child is with parents:
3 hours a day
That’s about 19% of the time of the child’s waking hours!
* I did not count transition times, since children ride buses, watch screens, listen to music in car rides, etc. I did not count “getting ready” hours either.
There are three hours a day from 6-9, including supper. If a child has time with parents then, it will be during supper usually. There are additional things that will take place as well, such as chores or homework. If you are unable to be at home during the evening, do not count that time as family time. You’re not there. For some parents, that is why they choose homeschooling; they have an odd work schedule and homeschooling affords more time to influence their child and spend quality time.
Make the most with what you’ve got:
Do you feel like you aren’t getting much quality time with your child? What changes can you make to the time you are with your child to add more quality?
What happens during quality time?
-Asking questions (both ways)
-Showing and telling (both ways)
-Storytelling (both ways)
-Listening (both ways)
-Playing games
-Teaching a skill
-Reading
-Working on a project together
THINK. Can you modify your schedule so that you have more room for quality time with your child?
I homeschool my children for more quality time.
My parents sent us to public school. How does the quality time compare?
I love to have quality time with my children! We connect all areas of learning and have time for them to be creative and learn new skills.
I’m familiar with school schedules as I was a teacher in private and public schools for 12 years. So much time gets wasted during the day, as I know from the experience of managing a classroom of children for 7-8 hours a day. As a homeschool mom, I like that I can build a worldview in my own children and a set of values that aligns with mine. I have enough time to do so.
So how did my own parents choose public school and still end up with children who shared a worldview and were “successful in life?”
Well, I’ve thought about that for a while and I think I had several things going for me:
My parents worked in education.
They could see what was going on and stayed aware. (Many parents today are unaware of what happens in schools)
They got off work when we got off school. No late hours. Loads of time in the summer to spend quality time together as a family!
I lived in the country. I lived about 12 miles out of town and then at the end of a 2 mile gravel road. To and from school everyday (no bus riding) with my parents gave us loads of time to talk. Sometimes, I would cry about something that happened. Sometimes I heard their stories and sometimes they heard mine. They often told us, “We’re telling you [this advice] because we had no one to tell us.”
Our spare time allowed us to play outside, help with chores, and learn skills from our parents.
3. Extracurriculars were limited. While I wish I might have had one extracurricular growing up, I’m incredibly thankful that we were not over-scheduled. I never had music lessons, but I did have time at home to practice with instruments. Many parents in modern America have too many activities going on simultaneously which ends up meaning less quality time with their child.
4. Lack of portable technology Yes, I did have a walkman and a discman for a while (for those younger parents out there, they were older forms of what an mp3 player would be or playing spotify on your phone these days). The technology ran on batteries which means it was not used all the time (too many batteries to buy). Many times, we listened to the same thing our parents listened to in the car, and plenty of times we listened to things we requested.
Today’s parents face the temptation of portable technology is a HUGE temptation that steals quality time away from families. It is convenient and can be recharged easily. That means you should budget that time appropriately or it will take up too much time. For day-to-day transition times, I recommend keeping portable technology put away. Save those technologies for times that you may be on a longer car ride that is more rare. You are missing day-to-day opportunities to interact and influence your child.
To the parents who are open to homeschooling, I urge you to look into it. It does NOT look the same for everyone. Some homeschoolers attend a tutorial 1-2 days a week for guidance in instruction and some time away from parents, while the parents help out the other days of the week. Keep an open mind. It can truly change things for the better when you are open to trying something new.
To the parents adamantly against homeschooling, review your weekly schedule. Where is the quality time with your child? Do you need to adapt and make some changes so that you have more quality time? Are you needing to say ‘NO’ to being overly scheduled?You might find yourself surprised at what opportunities can arise in the relationship with your child as you adapt!
Leave your thoughts on quality time in the comment section below and don’t forget to share with a friend!
Remember, YOU are your child’s most influential teacher.